We’ve been in Florida a little over 3 weeks now. It feels wonderful to be a family unit again. The first 2 weeks my parents were here to help with the transition. It made for easy errand-running, nesting (albeit temporary), and free sanity breaks. I cried when they left. It’s the end of an era. We lived together for 2 whole months, saw each other 24/7. It’s been years since we’ve experienced that kind of intense, saturated time…and I loved it. I missed Chris dearly but really treasured the time with good ‘ol Mom and Dad, too. This past week it was time to move forward, time to put my big-girl panties back on and kick it back into full-time Wife/Mama gear…hello cooking. Bleh.
It’s been 8 days since they left and I’ve talked to 3 different adults in this time, not counting Chris or the bible study I joined (which is wonderful, but consists mostly of women in a very different stage of life). THREE PEOPLE. THREE. That is practically ONE PERSON EVERY THREE DAYS.
If you know me, this is problematic. If you’re simply a reader, you could guess this would be an issue. I crave social interaction. I need conversation with other human beings, preferably not of the toddler age. It’s taking everything inside of me not to post signs up around town that say, “Want to earn $50? Come be this new girl’s friend,” or “Receive $10 for taking your children to the park for a play date with the Maddens.”
I remind myself this is for a season. God has a purpose our lives; there’s a bigger reason we are here than just a job change. We were sent here, and His plan will be spelled out in time. He will provide the people, community, and village that we need to thrive and ultimately glorify Him.
I made my first Florida Facebook friend (woo hoo!), and she invited me to her neighborhood pool this evening. I’m embarrassed to say I texted about 5 people from Chicago to share this news, as if it was epic. It’s the little things, yall. (And yes, she is one of the 3 adult conversations).
Throughout all of this, I am happy to say I’m only on 10mg of an antidepressant at the moment. I’m not sure how that happened, and I don’t know why such a minimal amount is working since that hasn’t been the case in over a decade (except when I was preggo – no meds and felt AMAZING!). However, Mr. Psych and I did some experimenting for various reasons this year and it forced me to get to the root of some CrazyMAD issues. I continued regular appointments with my therapist and added accupuncture with some dietary changes. I wasn’t ashamed of my meds but I knew for the amount I was taking, they should be working better. I felt hopelessly dependent on something that wasn’t working the way it was supposed to be. Endless evening stretches without much sleep only added to the fire.
I braced myself for the move and all of the changes to come. I was prepared for the worst. I thought the mental break was coming; surely this small amount of medicine wasn’t sustainable for me. But…
So far, so good. Thanks to Sykpe, therapy continues, and it will in-person when I find a practice here. I have friends who ask and hold me accountable, a husband who “checks in” to make sure things don’t grow dark. So far, so good. It doesn’t mean it will last forever. In fact, I feel fairly certain it won’t. Right now, as hard as it is to be away from friends and Chicago family, we’re in an exciting season of life. We’re trying new things, buying a house, laughing daily at Miles and Norah’s quirks…it’s a fun time to be a Madden. There may be a day when it’s not so fun, when there’s sickness, tragedy, or come what may. And in that time, and that future season, I will know what to do. I’ll know the medicine I need; I’ll have my toolbox of coping skills handy. More importantly, I’ll know Who to turn to in prayer.
But for now, I’ll be grateful. Grateful for the people who got me off the kitchen floor in the fall of 2012, into the mental hospital, and through the pain to get to the other side. Grateful for my therapist who helped intervene, my psychiatrist for advocating for me when I couldn’t, my family for walking alongside me the whole way. Grateful for a heavenly Father who says, “It’s okay, My grace is sufficient for you.”
So much growth and change has happened in 4 years. The best is yet to come.